Settling into the season, on this 36th day of Fall. 

Feelings of uncertainty and unease, question and confusion, challenge amongst growth. 

Times of reflection, question, self-assessment, and despair; deep diving into it all. 

One of many thoughts, “where is home?”.

I’ve thought this a lot since leaving MN three years ago. 

It has been topics of conversation in my mind, with my partner, in sermons, and in yoga. 

In sermon, they say “home is in heaven.”

In yoga, they say “home is within you.”

In the self, I say “home is where the animals are, and wherever I feel most comfortable to release.”

In relationship, we’re still learning to identify this.

Another thought, how do we learn to grow together in relation, as we’re ever-evolving into different humans?

I believe growth in relationship happens through building trust, expressing honesty, sharing all of our thoughts and feelings of change along the way. 

Growth involves being vulnerable. Setting fear aside. Being open and curious. Discovering uncharted paths of the self and the course forward. Growth is hard work. Growth takes time. Growth is gaining perspective and awareness of our subconscious patterns. 

Space is also necessary for growth. 

Furthermore, how does a couple continue to grow and nurture a relationship when their future visions don’t align? 

This is where we are. 

It’s where we belong. 

Just yesterday, you sent me this:

"Thoughts for Mali
It was wrong of me not to tell you about Sierrah sooner. I shouldn't have kept that from you or brought it up in that way. Truthfully, I wasn't interested in meeting up for that, but I was wondering what her intentions were. Definite curiosity in her reaching out, but it ended at that.

I know we haven't been in the best place recently and I'm not looking to spend time, effort, or energy into anyone or something else. I've been scared, confused, worried, and sad. I want to focus on us, it's just been difficult for me to know where to begin.

I think to your point of the distance, it becomes more difficult to hold the energy, space, and connection when we're apart. We both need hugs and love. Would be nice to see you and continue conversation in person while working through these more challenging times. Thank you for suggesting that. Let's cry, laugh, and love."

Right here, right now, settling into growth, change, the season of Fall, and all of its feelings.