So much of what’s happening around us—being shared to and through us in words, actions, movement, and presence—is an invitation to receive. Of course, it’s up to us to see it, to pay attention, to stay present, to become aware. When we do, we open ourselves to the ultimate gift from Mother Universe: an abundance of guidance and light for this ever-beautiful, yet challenging gift we call Life. After all, she—Mother Universe—is always working behind the scenes for us.
During my weekly Friday Bikram class, I had another one of those moments; this happens more often than not. Isabelle says many things during class, but sometimes, one key phrase lifts me out of my mind and sends me deep into feeling. It was this: “Trust the space. Trust the space between your legs. Trust the space your body is creating.” Trust the space. Trust.
The gift of Life is ever-changing, ever-evolving, ever-flowing. We can choose to move with it or against it—thus being the Law of Perpetual Transmutation. I choose to make a conscious effort to flow with it.
Life’s teachings lately have shown me it’s okay to feel uncertain again. It’s okay to cry in yoga when energy is moving through me. It’s okay to grapple with the emotions of losing a loved one. It’s okay to start over, to begin again. And it’s surely okay to trust in the process of Life and its teachings.
Today in yoga, Life’s teaching showed up again. Alli invited us at the end of practice with the following: “May we flip our hands up as a sign of being able to trust not only ourselves but others as well—trusting that there are good people out there. It’s the acceptance of being vulnerable and the ability to know when we are truly safe.”
Her words brought tears to my eyes after a full flow of opening our hips and hearts. Mother Universe was speaking to me again. My spirit angels were with me. I leaned into it. I allowed the chi to move through me. I remained open and vulnerable.
After class, I connected with Alli to thank her for her teaching and offerings. I shared some of the recent changes in my life and found peace in being able to confide. I learned that Alli is a therapist who helps those navigating life transitions, romantic relationships, and grief—using somatic, attachment, and psychodynamic techniques. Exactly what I’ve been searching for.
Recently, another professional told me my work and healing journey have carried me beyond CBT, hovering over Somatic, and that I might consider Hakomi. So, this I explore. Finding a therapist hasn’t been easy since leaving mine in Minnesota, but I remain consistent in the search. I’ve had two since moving to Oregon, yet something within me always felt more advanced than what they offered.
When I asked Alli about Hakomi, she shared insight that mirrored what I’ve been learning through my five-year healing journey. When I left a mentally, physically, and substance-abusive relationship in 2020, I made a vow to myself: Health is a value. I will no longer place myself in unhealthy situations or relationships; instead, I choose to listen to and trust my body.
Knowing that I’m choosing to break old patterns and childhood trauma rooted in abuse, this most recent relationship feels like a huge step forward—a true gain. He wasn’t abusive. He didn’t hurt me. He didn’t abuse alcohol or drugs. Because it was the first relationship where I felt safe and we led with trust and honesty, but he also didn’t respect or value me at the end—and respect is a form of health—it’s no wonder I’m struggling to fully let go.
Weekends are the hardest. They were when the kiddos and I would go down to The Rach. Weekends were when we’d reunite, come together, go to yoga, make big meals, snuggle, explore, share our days and nights together. I miss that. I miss you. I miss us so much.
And still, what Mother Universe is telling me is simple: Trust. Trust the space. Trust the process. Trust myself. Trust others. Trust that I am safe.
